Covid & Skyscrapers...

 

  The last 15 months of my life have been a doozy. As the Covid-19 Pandemic arose the world was at a standstill. People were stockpiling and hoarding just about any and everything they could get their hands on, it literally didn't matter what it was. It wa a very scary time. I was blessed to get through the pandemic Financially due to precautions I have always taken in my life to sustain. I grieve and pray for those who have passed on and the family members who couldn't say goodbye nor be with their loved ones at all in those very early days. I was blessed enough to not be affected but I absolutely did my part in not catching nor spreading the disease. 

    It became a total shit show! The man who occupied the Oval Office until he was voted out November 2020 really made the pandemic worse. He spread lies, conspiracies, and hateful rhetoric towards anyone who spoke against him. My anxiety was very high. I had to find peace somewhere in the midst of all the madness around me. Being quarantined in your home to literally save your life was very difficult. I am honestly surprised I am still here today. It has been a tough and long road for a lot of people but as I write this I can only speak for myself.     

    The weekends were the worst. The isolation and loneliness set in heavy on my heart. The fear was gut wrenching, the news was all bad. I was fearful of everything around me. I did have my good days, if I didn't I wouldn't be here today. I did some reading, and watched a lot of Investigation Discovery murder mysteries, but what the pandemic really opened my eyes to was the outright selfishness and entitlement of the American people. God was hard at work revealing to me who would be there for me in my life as a constant soul. I didn't like people before, but Covid-19 reaffirmed  that I am right. The selfish need for self preservation seeped through the pores of the true wolves in sheep's clothing. Instead of uniting together to fight this, people drew their battle lines and we were all at war with one another. For a black woman in the midwest that was a scary time and quite honestly it still is. 

    The few people I made an attempt to be in regular contact with turned out to be the people I needed to never had met. My walls are up today and it is not a feeling I like. When using the term "skyscraper" people associate it with overcoming a battle and not being torn down, what I mean when I reference it in this particular writing is my walls are just that high. I am guarded, hurt, lost, confused, and straight up lonely. It is hard to even give people the benefit of the doubt any longer. I used to be able to do that but now I can barely be surface level let alone open my heart to any one individual.     

    I am doing slightly better now but I am still anxious. The healing process is just that, a process, and I am still on my journey. 

    Friday, March 28th, 2021