Loyalty; the quality of being loyal. A strong feeling of support or allegiance.
Now I know that sounds like a "Trumpish" type of loyalty but I wanted to lay the foundation for what it is I am speaking of. As most people, we all suffer from trust issues in one way or another. For myself, it took one person Junior year of high school to show me that friendship meant more to me and nothing to them. At the impressionable age of 16 years old, I created the world in which I live and that my people is black and white. I am extremely cautious when it comes to my interactions with people that I have to encounter on a daily basis. I am very guarded and protective of what people know, I could care less what they choose to believe.
Around May of last year I met an individual that I instantly had a great vibe with. Conversations were great and there was so much in common even though we were two totally different personalities. This person was there for me during really low moments in my life, and there for the comebacks at all times. We had our morning conversations about the news of the evening and our evening conversations about the developed news of the day. Of course we were not on a schedule we were actual friends. I made myself vulnerable and open. I trusted without reservation, and held no guards with hope and freedom. I thought I was receiving that in return but I guess this person was a bit more secretive about his life (and I was a secret friend) which is weird to me because there was never anything there in an intimate way.
About three weeks ago he starts telling me about this female that he has been "talking" tp for "not very long" and that it wasn't serious. I was surprised, but what really blew me away was the fact that getting him to tell me the truth (because I know him) was like pulling teeth. I then found out he has been "talking"/"dating" whatever you want to call it since November and went 3 months almost without one mention of her. It only became a "thing" when he started having sex with her and practically living at her house. My normal friendship calls were ignored, text messages were not responded to for hours on end and I was lost. I am a married woman and my husband has never put restrictions on who I can be friends with, when I can talk to them, and how I can interact with them. Its just a matter of being secure in your place and knowing there is no threat coming from the other direction. He and I were the poster friendship for the male/female truly platonic relationship. Not once did that line ever cross.
He (when reachable) kept trying to assure me that our friendship would not change. I honestly was just waiting for the other shoe to drop at that point, and boy did it drop. Yesterday I asked straight up what was the deal. He came up with the silliest so called reasoning I had ever heard. He told me that everyone in his ENTIRE family and close married friends says there is a rule (which I have never heard of) that you don't talk to any other female after 10 pm. what the fuck kind of weird insecure bullshit is that? I was flabbergasted! not just at this rule, but at the fact that he was saying it and with conviction as if he truly believed it. Also, I can no longer call him in the mornings (oh! this is good, he takes her to work because she's been waiting almost 3 months for a car accident insurance pay off, that is also a huge red flag). He has a teenager that he doesn't have custody of, and she has a 4 year old that lives with her as she is bringing strange men into her home. Every woman knows that the cardinal rule when dating a woman with kids is that you don't introduce the child to the man until a certain point.
She has met his friends and family. I have not. Now you may be thinking... hmmm? Jealous? Not in the slightest. I feel betrayed because I was a good friend and I was open with him regardless and he did not reciprocate that. I am no silly girl, I know that when you enter into a new relationship your time changes, but you are not supposed to. You certainly shouldn't allow a female you have known less than 90 days dictate your friendships, That's a slippery slope. As I stated before, with me things are black and white and once you have shown me you do not deserve the benefit of the doubt then I place you in spot on a shelf and there is a good chance I will never pick that book up again to reopen. Once your true colors are shown I do not make a fool of myself more than once. When you act as if you don't even care that our friendship may no longer be because you refuse to even see it from my perspective, you really may begin to collect dust. That is where it ends now. He doesn't call me to say what's up, nothing. And I don't know the hours in which I am allowed to speak to my own good friend. I get anxiety when wanting to call just to say "ho was your day?"
The lesson I have learned is not everyone values integrity. Loyalty to a fault is what I received in this particular situation but, decency and respect became lost within the midst. As I quote Lil Wayne "No Love lost, no love found."
