34 and feeling good! Today I turned 34 years old! I have to say this is going to be one of the most memorable birthdays of my life. It was filled with positivity and people who care. They decorated my office today and we had our monthly birthday party which happened to fall on my actual birthday. I have so much to be thankful for and have grown so much as a person since my twenties. The older I get the more patient and tolerant I become. I am not on Facebook so I didn't get any of those Facebook Birthday well wishes. I am learning to forgive and truly let g. This year the devil has been busy trying to throw me off my game but the devil is a lie! It only taught me that when they go low I go high! Taking the high road isn't always easy, it is a true task, but no matter what I am going to continue on my journey to peace of mind and love of self. 

I love and enjoy my work and never is there a day I am not grateful. No, I do not like the early mornings and the long days but it is so worth it when you are appreciated and you feel you are valued at your job. 

Reward Yourself

In a world where we are desensitized to mass shootings and are no longer appalled by the childish actions of our elected president "45", we must take it upon ourselves to live within our own positivity and create that happiness and joy we wish to see in the world. I no longer allow anyone or anything tear me down. If someone is speaking to me in a manner in which I don't see conducive, I end that conversation. I used to think that would be me not being respectful to hear the other person out, but in all actuality I was disrespecting myself by allowing the other party to speak to me in a way that was hurtful. I believe whole heartedly in speaking whatever it is you desire into existence. It is real! I changed my thought process and what I was going to allow in my life and I feel better about who I am and I am seeing the actual benefits from speaking truth to life and the reaping the benefits of that. I no longer worry myself about the people who have wronged me, or have spoken or still speak ill of my name. It no longer hurts me. I keep them in prayer and in good thought. What would it benefit me to live in a negative space?  I refuse to do that. I love the space and life I am in and living right now.  I will always give those the benefit of the doubt when I meet a new person until they show me that there is real doubt there. Life is much too short to live in paranoia and to fear people, due to an unresolved fear that lives within yourself. 

Update

Happy Saturday all my favorite people.  As I have previously stated before, I do not make new years resolutions. I choose to continue to live my life and grow to become a better person. This year has by far, so far been the most rewarding mentally, physically and spiritually. My faith has grown so much. I truly believe in the power of the tongue and the mightiness it holds. I choose to only speak on positive things and I only engage in conversation that enhances joy and peace throughout my day. I have learned to let things go and truly forgive and let go. I am not perfect, I slip up , but I catch myself in the moment and turn it around.

I no longer try to hold onto things or people who hurt me, say mean things to me or intentionally hurt me. Ii find the strength inside to say NO! I am a good person and deserve better than a person who feels its okay to shame me and try to make me feel as if I am no good. I am a child of the most high God and he makes no mistakes. It is okay to honor who you are, honor yourself. You deserve it. Happiness for A moment can never compare to joy for a lifetime. 

Whatever may come my way I now know a better way to handle it. No darkness will ever stand in my way... I will Radiate always. Its in your darkest hour is when your light shines its brightest. Remember no matter what you do God will never forsake you. People will hurt you, use you, and even abandon you when you need them the most, but God will be there shining his light when you cant seem to find it in you to shine. The Lord will shine for you until you can take over the torch, shine and praise his name.

They say it happens in 3’s

They say things happen in 3’s and that’s when you know karma has come knocking on your door. I am not sure that is something I believe in. My life has never been a stroll down easy street but my walk on this earth is with Faith. I believe the good in people until I am given a reason not to . Even in that I speak prayer over their lives and wish them many blessings. I have been told that I will end up alone by people when they are not satisfied with who I am and what I stand for (and what I will not stand for). Watching anyone walk out my life is hard, but I have learned that god Guides my life and I will never doubt the Lord. Because I don’t have the reaction people want and/or expect they get very upset and say really ugly and mean things. There is only so much a person can take and I know my limits. 

Life is not a movie, it doesn’t play out that way. Life is a journey and with the ups and downs we have to take it for what it is. I am not afraid to state that I have no relationship with the family I was born into. I love them and always will as people but the pain and hurt caused has been too great and that’s not something I can allow myself to engage in or entertain in any way. I honestly at this point don’t know who to trust at all. I live a very lonely life and that may make some people happy.  They don’t see the actual repercussions they cause the other person.  I will never again get too personal with anyone at this point and time in my life. Maybe one day I will be able to open my heart again but right now or anytime soon that will not be the case. 

I do for myself, I do not ask anyone for favors or handouts. If I cant get it myself i simply wait until I can. I handle my business, I never miss work, and I pay all my bills on time. I will turn away from any lack of love and move forth with life.

I know better :)

S.C.M.