Retrospect (A Poem)

Beginning again, again, and again,

I never thought that in my life it would end.

The cycle of lies beneath the cloak of hate,

all I needed was a clean slate.

Stuck within the madness within my own soul,

everyday passing by I'd lose myself, grow cold.

watching you live and build yourself up while standing upon my back,

little did I realize that the day was coming, you were plotting to act.

To act against me in the most egregious way,

not allowing me to love my daughter, not allowing me to stay.

Be the part of her life that no woman could ever be,

no matter how deep and dark you may try to bury me.

I will always be her mother no matter where I am on this earth,

she knows the truth, too young to understand my own pain and girth.

This child will grow into a young woman and ask about the truth,

what are you going to tell her? you cant continue the lies based upon your charade as the "Good Guy" and I "The Rouse"

You knew of all my weaknesses, you knew of all my hurts,

you knew the things that pained me, you pried them out in spurts.

I hated telling you the truth about my feelings because something inside me did not trust you,

but you made me feel as if I could, back then if only I knew.

Today is a new day, I have grown into someone you do not know,

You are still struggling with hate and guilt piled upon you like a monsoon of snow.

I wake up every day and choose to do what is hard, not to do what the world would like.

I rise and shine everyday and hop on a different bike.

A bike I haven't ridden yet, a bike that has no miles,

so I can continue to rewrite the story of my journey with love and a smile.

A smile I will not wipe off of my face because of the pains of my past,

but a smile that will shine bright as the nights stars and in my heart forever last.