Will Christmas ever be the same for me? I know that I am not the only person on earth going through hard times right now, but when you are in that pain you truly feel alone. I  keep telling myself I am going to quit trying. I continue to ask myself is it worth the immense pain that I put myself through? It doesn't feel that way any longer. I am worth more than this three and a half year punishment that has been placed upon me. I word it in that form because it could have been resolved more than once but the other side refuses to come to any commonality, Maybe that's why I get so mad at celebrities when they wanna get mad and tweet about dumb shit when they have access too get all the help in all the areas they need with in their lives. I am limited as an ordinary citizen to what I have access too and what I can even do for myself.

It is Christmas and I haven't received a gift from my own husband. I made our Thanksgiving a real one by purchasing all the food and he did the cooking. I am the one who has made  all the effort this Christmas and I all I was able to do was order an $89 pair of boots that I will receive by the end of the week. I am grateful that I work hard enough to have and keep the essentials in my own home and pay bills. I have a new car (2018) and am doing well with that. But, is it so bad to just want my husband to get off of call of duty for hours on end, not allow football control his entire days, have him want to go anywhere with me? I am not asking for much. I am trying my hardest. He needs to realize its just going to be the two of us and we have to learn to enjoy one another and be even closer, and work that much harder to keep our marriage together. I named my 4 things that are non negotiable in our daily lives and he (as predicted) became defensive and gave me no plan or ide of how he is going to "Change" things "This time". I have heard this so many times before and his words carry no weight.

Made A Way Cover by Juzang

https://youtu.be/hxiNlza_hLQ

I just have to tell myself that God will make a way and at least I know that if I speak it, it shall be