Loyal To A "T"...... Well, May Be My True Fault.....

When someone makes a change in their life of their choosing, and tells you nothing will change between the two of you (like friendship), it is a lie. Things will always change and they will change drastically (of course in only the way the party affected sees). In my current melodrama with my used to be good friend he doesn't read or return text messages any longer, he surely doesn't pick up the phone to call. He acts strange when he does text and he always seems like he is bothered by me. Yeah, I call and sometimes we laugh but I am nobody's tap dancing slave on a corner. I am person too. One thing I am not going  to do is have another conversation with him about how he has changed. There is no point to it and he will not see it. I have made the conscious decision beginning today February 11, 2019 at 6:50 am Central time to not call, not text, not initiate the communication any longer and see if we even still have a friendship. I hope for the best but I know better and have been through this before with others. I am always that "Go-To" pass by friend everyone uses for that so-called "finding myself" period of their lives. I will no longer be there for these times when these very same individuals cannot be there for mine.

We are already living in a time that will be remembered throughout history as one of the most disloyal, sad, and selfish I have ever seen in my short yet almost 35 years of life. With my once good friend, I know it is drawing near that I let it go. If you are nervous to call someone because their girlfriend of 6 weeks will be upset, that is not a healthy situation. It's disappointing because he made it a point to tell me that nothing will change, that he had isolated friends before and made the same mistakes and swore he would never do that again. Well he has done it to me. I am not in that inner circle of people. I don't know his family and I don't do his niece's hair. But, when he needed a friend, a shoulder, I was there. I never allow anyone into my life that cannot accept who is in my life and does not know how to be a friend back to me. I believe that the words "Friend" and "Love" are often used too much in today's society without real meaning. I have been through a lot in life so I am loyal to a "T", NOT to a fault. I had to learn the hard way that loyalty is not always give, give...… It is very much give and take for granted. 

I have learned to place people on a shelf as if they were books in a library. Some people stay on the shelf, collect dust, erode, and are never removed. Others are placed in different categories, are taken off the shelf for different reasons, seasons, and feelings at the time. Not everyone rots and dies. I had to create this imaginary yet very real place so I could lift that heavy burden of sadness off of me, those many questions of "why?" that cluttered my mind night after night. If people are not going to be loyal to me, or at least show respect, then I must take control, protect my heart and be that person who decides who and what behavior is allowed in my life. It was and still is a very liberating experience. I will say that it has been hard with this latest friendship gone awry, but this too shall pass. Love yourself first and always because if you don't have compassion for your own heart how will you even know how to SHOW compassion to others? And that readers (or reader) is what people who use your heart don't have. They lack compassion. Anyone can fake empathy by saying the right words, but compassion requires heart and action. How many people do you know truly have that?